And it was all yellow

Matt: (Pointing) Oh, the real estate agent lives back there. Remember how we were trying to figure out where he lives? I saw his car the other day. He’s back there.

Bec: Yeah, the yellow house. I thought that was the one.

Matt: I’m pretty sure it’s not yellow.

Bec: It is yellow, but I don’t care enough to talk about it anymore. My lunch is getting cold; please don’t turn the car around.

Matt: (Turns car around)

Bec: I just said not to do that.

Matt: It’ll take 15 seconds for me to prove that you’re wrong; your lunch is not going to go cold in that time.

Bec: So what colour is that house then Matt?

Matt: I’d call it ‘honey mustard’.




Translating Matt.

We know each other pretty well now, and can easily identify when the other is speaking crap.

A handy guide for understanding Matt, according to Bec:

Are you sleepy? – Can we have sex?

How’s your meal? – Can I have some?

Can I try just a little bit? – I’m going to eat more than half of it, and the best bit.

Matt teaches charm school in his spare time.

I was too busy to clean up this morning darling – I love having a long shower.

I was running late this morning – I stepped over the dog poo because it is gross.

Let’s go for a drive today – Let’s go four-wheel-driving for 5 hours.

Should we drive tonight? – I’m going to get maggot, so, what are you going to do?

I can’t remember how much it cost – You’re going to yell at me, so I’m not going to tell you.

I was too busy at work to run those errands today darling, I’m sorry – I got an ice-cream at lunch.

I don’t know, I think they’re a little boring to be honest – They weren’t into my music or jokes.

Yes darling, I filled Molly’s water bowl – No I did not.

How lovely – Why do you keep buying Mad Men dresses?

My television program is on! – Please don’t talk through the fourth re-run of Top Gear unless it will lead to sex.