Shit-Hot Dogs

Shit-hot dogs, not shit hot dogs. It’s all in the hyphen. The G/F wanted them because she’s going into hospital this weekend to get her wisdom teeth out and she’s allowed to eat whatever she pleases until then and I have to make it; and the flatmate had swine flu.

The Copley medal. It’s a science prize, awarded to Captain James Cook, discoverer of Australia of sorts, in 1776:

“For his Paper, giving an account of the method he had taken to preserve the health of the crew of H.M. Ship the Resolution, during her late voyage round the world. Whose communication to the Society was of such importance to the public”

The method? Sauerkraut.

Sauerkraut of course, being a key ingredient in Hot Dogs. Not a coincidence.

Sauerkraut is easy to make. Provided you have a sturdy clean container and a week to ferment some cabbage. Had I known of the swine flu and the hot dog request last Wednesday there’d be a bucket of rancid leaves under the stairs by now, alas, the cry came out at 6.30pm on my return from work. Time was of the essence. I had to improvise. Chilli and vinegar were at hand. The day was saved.



  • Cabbage, red if you can get it, I couldn’t, shame, diced medium
  • Fennel root, diced big (important)
  • One (1) tiny red chilli, diced tiny
  • Garlic, diced tiny
  • Rosemary, diced tiny
  • Lard
  • Olive Oil, Salt, Pepper
  • Red Onion, diced micro with your very bestest sharpest knife
  • Grape Tomatoes cut into 4 pieces each, so that’s medium I suppose
  • Malt Vinegar, Verjuice


  • Gotzinger Bratwurst (A client nonetheless, available in the deli section a Woolworths near you. BYO cash for comment)


  • Soft
  • Seeded


  • Grated


  • Stir-fry dry/oily Shit-Hot™ bits
  • Add verjuice and malt vinegar near the end
  • Add onion and tomato right at the end, keep them peppy
  • Save some onion and tomato to sprinkle on top
  • Cook Bratwurst on a low heat, don’t split the skin, you don’t want guts everywhere
  • You should be able to figure the rest out
  • Add optional ketchup and American mustard if your G/F demands it
  • Avoid swine flu flatmate