The Granfields choose future baby names

'Escargot' was also ruled out
‘Escargot’ was also ruled out

Bec: We need to start thinking about names for our eventual children.

Matt: Well, the boy has to be called ‘Jack’, we both know that.

Bec: Agreed.

Matt: “Jack Granfield”. That sounds like Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald had a meeting to discuss the best name for a male human ever. They would have thought, ‘Obviously we can’t call him Jack London, because that’s already taken, so we’ll go with Jack Granfield’.

Bec: I know we said ‘Francesca’ for a girl, but it’s a bit, ‘been done’ now.

Matt: I actually always liked ‘Paris’, for a girl. But we can’t do that now, obviously. It’s too white trash.

Bec: She’d have more chance in life if we called her ‘Mercedes Schappelle BMW’.

Matt: We like France. What about some French names. I like ‘Madeleine’.

Bec: Nope.

Matt: Why not?

Bec: I knew a girl at uni called Madeleine. We didn’t get along.

Matt: Let’s look at a map of France and see if there are any other nice girl names there.

Bec: OK

Matt: ‘Le Mans’, is out, obviously.

Bec: What did you just say?

Matt “Le Mans”.

Bec: Yes, but you pronounced it ‘Lair Morn’. And in a voice so low, if you walked past a urologist they’d bring you in for an immediate check-up. They’d think one of your balls was caught in a shoe.

Matt: I’m just being cultural.

Bec: Yes, but you sound like an idiot. Say “I love you Bec”

Matt: I love you Bec.

Bec: Right. That sounds normal. Now, say it in French.

Matt: Je t’aime Rebecque.

Bec: See.

Matt: See what?

Bec: You said “Rebecque”, and you dropped your voice two octaves. Stop trying to sound sexy. When you try and sound sexy, you don’t sound sexy, you sound like a wanker.

Matt: Saint-Germain-des-Prés

Bec: We’re not naming our girl Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

Matt: What about “Pepé Le Pew”

Bec: No.


Matt discovers how to pause live TV

Bec: Let’s watch So You Think You Can Dance Australia.

Matt: I’d rather eat my toenails.

Bec: No, c’mon, there’s lots of hot girls. You’ll like it.

Matt: Booooring.

Bec: Look she’s hot.

Matt: You’re hotter.

Bec: What about that blonde chick?

Matt: I’m not interested.

Bec: Why isn’t the screen moving.

Matt: What do you mean?

Bec: It’s stuck.

Matt: Are you sure?

So You Think You Can Dance Australia

Bec: Yes, it’s stuck on the screen.

Matt: Weird.

Bec: Did you hit the pause button?

Matt: No.

Bec: Yes you did.

Matt: No I didn’t.

Bec: Give me the remote control.

Matt: Sure.

Bec: Have you taken the batteries out?

Matt: They fell out. Oh look, I accidentally just kicked them under the couch. Remember this morning when I wanted to move the couch but you wouldn’t help me because it’s too heavy and you couldn’t lift it? I guess we’re stuck now. Oh well.

Bec: I’m going to find some more batteries.

Matt: You were right, I like this show.


Featured Household Finance

Matt makes savings ‘plans’. Plans include high-powered Mercedes-Benz. Bec threatens divorce.

Matt: Just so you know, I’m not buying lunch today NOR an ice-cream. Because I’m a saver. And, a good boy.

Bec: Seriously? You’re not getting credit for that Matt.

Matt: I made my lunch yesterday too. That’s two days in a row, surely I get some sort of credit. Or a massage or something.

Bec: Didn’t you leave your sandwich on the counter yesterday, by ‘accident’?

Matt: Yes, well, it was an accident. I was really looking forward to that sandwich. It had lamb shank meat in it. That’s, like, the best meat ever. That’s better than lobster meat.

Bec: So if you left your lunch on the counter, what did you eat instead?

Matt: I had Grill’d.

Bec: Yes, I know. I saw it in online banking. You spent $16 at Grill’d. That’s not ‘saving’.

Matt: Yeah, but I didn’t even have a drink. I just got a burger, and chips, and two types of chip condiment. But no drink. Because I’m saving. I’m even saving with my hobbies – have you noticed how I haven’t been to Masters for two weeks?

Bec: Darling, the only reason we’ve had to draft a budget is because your hobbies are ridiculous; the never ending vineyard/money pit, your stupid cars, and the fact you now think you can claim wine as a ‘tax deduction’ because you have a ‘wine blog‘. You can’t claim wine as a tax deduction because you have a wine blog. It’s not a tax deduction, it’s a bank balance deduction. Meanwhile, me, the martyr over here; I have HOLES in my shoes.

Matt: Yes, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about those. They’re disgusting. I wouldn’t even touch your shoes with my feet, even if I were wearing shoes.

Bec: Yeah, you wouldn’t want to get your new $500 crocodile print RM Williams damaged. Anyways, the reason I’ve not bought new shoes is because I’m mindful of our spending.

Matt: Hey! I’m mindful of our spending too. Remember – no ice creams this week.

Bec: Oh I’m sorry, well done. I should also probably praise you for not stopping by Mercedes-Benz on the way home and buying the new model, which apparently has your name all over it, because you STRANGELY saw someone driving it TWICE IN THE ONE DAY. What a sign!

Matt: I won’t sit here and let you speak ill of the new CLA 45 AMG. It has the world’s most powerful production engine, on a per cubic centimetre basis. It’s also a very safe family car. Our future children will be very safe in that car. It has a five star ANCAP rating.

Bec: If I ever look in online banking and see you’ve put down a deposit on a 44 AMG, we will be getting a divorce.

Matt: 45 AMG.

Bec: Whatever.

Matt: All good. I took out a new credit card the other day. As a test for ‘work purposes’. I had to see how easy it was to open, given I work in a bank and all. I’ll just put the CLA 45 AMG deposit on that. You won’t even see it.

Bec: No dramas. My solicitor fees for the divorce will come out of our savings account. I doubt you’ve ever looked at that, so I’m fairly confident you won’t see that either.