Top 10 rules for living with Matt

  1. Groceries are always put in the back of the car, secured like Tetris, because loaves of bread can be “very dangerous missiles”.

    Matt pointing out Bec’s poor vacuuming skills
  2. Matt works in banking. If anything banking or money-related comes on television, I must be silent. He however is allowed to stand naked in front of my favourite show, and swing his privates around.
  3. His jokes are always funnier than mine. Similarly, if he’s doing something that in his mind is entertaining, hilarious, or, physical, like climbing a tree or mowing – I must watch him. “You’re not watching me!” is often screamed like a 7 year old, on our property.
  4. Wherever he puts things in the kitchen, is correct. If I wish to put something somewhere, “You can put it there, but you’d be wrong,” is offered.
  5. When I unpack the dishwasher, I am not to venture into the section of kitchen he’s in, because it causes too much disruption to his work, such as stirring soup.
  6. The mess Matt creates in the kitchen (which has him banned from cooking at his parents’ home) is “art”.
  7. When he is awake, I must be awake too, and this is rectified by him rotating his body about 12 times, until I wake, ‘naturally’.
  8. His wedding speech was significantly better than mine.
  9. He is correct in tallying the number of drinks he’s had. I am incorrect, and apparently always inflate the number by at least 10.
  10. Matt knows everything about dogs, and I know nothing. I.e. Molly just needed to “walk out” her cruciate ligament tearing,“like a sprained ankle”.
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