The Granfields choose future baby names

'Escargot' was also ruled out
‘Escargot’ was also ruled out

Bec: We need to start thinking about names for our eventual children.

Matt: Well, the boy has to be called ‘Jack’, we both know that.

Bec: Agreed.

Matt: “Jack Granfield”. That sounds like Ernest Hemingway and F. Scott Fitzgerald had a meeting to discuss the best name for a male human ever. They would have thought, ‘Obviously we can’t call him Jack London, because that’s already taken, so we’ll go with Jack Granfield’.

Bec: I know we said ‘Francesca’ for a girl, but it’s a bit, ‘been done’ now.

Matt: I actually always liked ‘Paris’, for a girl. But we can’t do that now, obviously. It’s too white trash.

Bec: She’d have more chance in life if we called her ‘Mercedes Schappelle BMW’.

Matt: We like France. What about some French names. I like ‘Madeleine’.

Bec: Nope.

Matt: Why not?

Bec: I knew a girl at uni called Madeleine. We didn’t get along.

Matt: Let’s look at a map of France and see if there are any other nice girl names there.

Bec: OK

Matt: ‘Le Mans’, is out, obviously.

Bec: What did you just say?

Matt “Le Mans”.

Bec: Yes, but you pronounced it ‘Lair Morn’. And in a voice so low, if you walked past a urologist they’d bring you in for an immediate check-up. They’d think one of your balls was caught in a shoe.

Matt: I’m just being cultural.

Bec: Yes, but you sound like an idiot. Say “I love you Bec”

Matt: I love you Bec.

Bec: Right. That sounds normal. Now, say it in French.

Matt: Je t’aime Rebecque.

Bec: See.

Matt: See what?

Bec: You said “Rebecque”, and you dropped your voice two octaves. Stop trying to sound sexy. When you try and sound sexy, you don’t sound sexy, you sound like a wanker.

Matt: Saint-Germain-des-Prés

Bec: We’re not naming our girl Saint-Germain-des-Prés.

Matt: What about “Pepé Le Pew”

Bec: No.

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