Stuff Matt says sometimes. By Bec.

Matt being Matt

Matt: You look pretty today, what have you done differently?

Bec: Put make-up on.

Bec: For our ‘Save the Date’ photo, I thought I might wear the dress that kind of makes my hips look a bit big?

Matt: Oh yeah, your engagement party dress?

Bec: No.

Bec: Delta Goodrem is such an idiot. She’s so obviously insincere. I don’t know why they’ve got her on this show. She’s a moron.

Matt: She is a moron. Look at how she’s sitting on the chair. She thinks she’s so hot.

Bec: I know, right?

Matt: Actually, she’s pretty hot.

Bec: How was the brownie I made you for lunch?

Matt: Good darling.

Bec: Was it nice?

Matt: Well, it was just your average brownie, so yes.

Bec: Okay.

Bec: Zooey Deschanel is so pretty even without make-up – look!

Matt: *Takes a look, reads a bit of the article* Oh, so that’s it – she wears false eye-lashes.

Bec: Yep.

Matt: *Pauses and looks at fiancee’s face for 10 seconds* Have you ever tried false eye-lashes?

Bec: Shit. My sunglasses are broken. Someone must have stepped on them in the park today.

Matt: I didn’t really like those ones anyway.

Matt: Darling did you know that your pupil in your right eye is enlarged and kind of split?

Bec: What? That’s a bit concerning *trying to find a mirror*

Matt:I know. Maybe it’s a brain tumor.

Matt: Did you choose those new sunglasses because they looked exactly like your old ones?

Bec:  How big do you let pumpkins grow before you pick them off the vine?

Matt: Pretty big.

On discussing plans for the weekend:

Matt: There are a number of important things I’ve got to do today, like book our honeymoon, sort out the quotes for the wedding cars, write vows and that sort of thing, so I’ll spend a lot of time doing that.

Bec: Okay sweets, no worries – I’ll read the papers.

*Five minutes later*

Bec: What are you up to?

Matt: Huh?

Bec: You’re carrying boxes into the car. Lots of boxes. Why are you carrying boxes into the car?

Matt: Oh, right, yes, they’re to mark the corners.

Bec: What corners?

Matt: Of the rally track. I’m building a rally track in the backyard.

Matt: Want to come and watch me play guitar?

Bec: Sure!

Matt: OK, I’m going to play Stairway to Heaven for 45 minutes.

Bec: OK, I love you.

*45 minutes later*

Matt: Why are you looking at your phone, that’s so rude. I think you should be looking at me.

Bec: Now, are there any requests you have, any at all, for how I do my make-up on our wedding day?

Matt: Just no red lipstick.

Bec: I have worn red lipstick every day you’ve known me.

Matt: Yeah, I don’t really like it.

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